I love it when God goes before me to show me His truth. I especially love the moment when I realize how long He has been working to put a moment together to teach me a simple truth about Him. Yep, just for me. I know, I am as stunned as you are. Here’s what happened.
I was privileged to get to teach at the Alabama Children’s Choir Summit this past weekend. It was soooooo fun! After a three year break because of cancer I was very happy to get back to teaching. My dear friend, Karen Gosselin puts this conference together for the state and she and her team are awesome. Another friend, Amanda Singer, was also there this weekend. She has written the new Children’s Worship Series by LifeWay.
These clinicians are planned months in advance so that travel plans could be made. So God worked months ago to make sure Amanda would be there. We were talking and she mentioned how much she loves the song “Forever Reigns” because God is everything that we are not. Lyrics – “You are good, when there’s nothing good in me. You are love, for all the world to see.”
Everything that I am not, or cannot be, He is. For more than a year now, I have had trouble with the muscle on the radiated side. It is my right side. I am right handed. The arm generally hurts most of the time and is much weaker than the left. The preliminary diagnosis is that the radiated muscles are tightening up and pulling on my shoulder which is causing a strain in the rotater cuff – we think. Again this is all speculation from my doctor, and lymphadema therapist. So I will begin physical therapy in another week or so.
The thing is, like I said – it is my right side. I do alot with that arm. Even though I know better, I keep, going back to the moment that the one thing I asked God not to have through cancer was lymphadema. He said “no”, and I have lymphadema in my right arm. I don’t why he said no but I know enough about His character to know that His plans are “not to harm me, but plans for a hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11 However, I am human, I forget and get to focusing on the arm too much and not Him. When my focus is misplaced, it is extremely easy for thoughts of doubt and mistrust to creep in. My feelings being hurt by His “no” answer creep to the surface of my heart. And Satan is going todo everything he can to distract my focus from the Lord. And lately I feel that he has attacked me through my arm. I do not want this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My argument is that I felt that I submitted to cancer, I said “whatever you have for me Lord, ok.” Apparently, I need a heart check, because my “whatever you have for me” came with a “well except lymphadema” limitation.
After Amanda said that about Forever Reign, I get to church on Sunday and guess what we sang in worship? Yep, Forever Reign. then I get up this morning and I am reading in Psalm 98. The first verse says, “Sing a new song to the Lord, for He has performed wonders; His RIGHT hand and HOLY arm have won Him victory.” Here’s the note in my study notes, “The Lord’s right hand and His holy arm refer to His immeasurable power.” (My life verse – “Now to Him who is able to do immeasuarably more than we ask or imagine…..” Eph. 3:20)
Then my study notes refer me to Psalm 16:8 “I keep the Lord in mind always, because He is at my right hand. I will not be shaken.” The study note for that verse says, “In legal contexts the person who is represented the defense of another was at the right hand. In military contexts the solider protecting his comrade was at the right hand; also, it was the location for the sword, the primary weapon used in hand to hand combat.” OH MY GOODNESS!! Do you see the imagery there? “The person who represented the defense of another” that is JESUS for me, for us! He is also our protector and His Word is the sword in MY right hand to combat this thing, the thing I’m trying to wrap my head and heart around.
The Book of John opens up by saying, “In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.” He is the Word, the sword in our right hand. My right hand. He is what I am not. He is not at my right hand, He is my right hand.
Thanks Amanda for speaking your heart. Thanks Karen for being obedient to plan this conference, and Jeremy for being obedient in the songs to sing on Sunday. Thanks be to God for his indescribable gift.